The Best Medicine

LookingDownNov7

I went to my first crossfit class in month today. The last class I took was the first class I had taken since completing the Elements course. That was on October 7th. The fateful date of the dive that my dad never returned from. 

Jake has been pushing me to go. Many days I've had every intention of going. But I'm tired. So tired. And I'm busy. So so busy. And some days I look at the workout of the day and I just know I won't be able to handle it. So I don't. 

But today. Today I went. The workout looked challenging, but it allowed moments to catch your breath. And it felt good. It felt so good. I forgot that when you walk in the door and start that warm up it's no longer intimidating. People are nice. The coaches are so nice. They modified everything that needed to be modified to help me get back into it. I worked on form. I completed the entire workout and my lungs still ache, but I feel strong. I know my dad would be proud. I want to be strong for him. Physically strong. I want to be strong for me. 

I'm so glad I made myself go. I hope I can continue to make myself go. I love feeling powerful. I need to feel powerful right now. Exercise really is great medicine. 

the weekend

SleepyMoxieMae

This last weekend was pretty relaxing, but also productive. Jake was supposed to be in the mountains for the weekend. I was nervous about being alone so I had come up with some projects I wanted to try to complete. It was an ambitious list. And I didn't write it down. Jake didn't leave town, so I didn't need to occupy every second of time. I still got stuff done though.

MoxieintheGarden
Puttanesca and Wine

Jake not leaving ended up being what was best. He was able to winterize our AC unit, mow all the lawns, and trim all the vines and hedges back, while I chopped down all my tomato plants and harvested each green tomato remaining. Prepping for winter basically. We spent Halloween on the couch with the lights off and homemade puttanesca, a big bowl of candy, and scary movies. It was perfect. 

TellYourStory

I had meetings all day on Saturday for a couple of creative projects/events that are coming up. I'm really excited for them. In a lot of ways, they are just what I need right now. A little overwhelming, but things that I want to be successful. It's jump-starting my creative drive. I've been pretty blah lately. Plus, they are collaborations. Collaborations are good. They are inspiring. 

KerrieNov1

I wrote on Sunday morning. Like, pen and paper, cup of coffee in hand, sat and wrote. It felt good. I needed it. I need it. I have to make myself write because I need to get some of these thoughts and feelings out of me. I have the perfect little reading and writing corner. When Jake built himself a new nightstand we moved his old one to a corner of our living room with a big chair. A new lamp, an autumn candle, a framed photo, and a handmade quilt make it the perfect little cozy corner. I want to spend every morning there. We just need to get a new stove to warm it up.

A few weeks ago I pulled every item of clothing out of my closet and drawers and storage bins and laid them all out. They've been laying all over our bedroom since. But this weekend I was ready. I went through each and every item. Undergarments included. I threw away, I donated, I gave away, I stored for the season, I purged. Purging is good. I want to purge everything right now. Now, there are only a handful of clothes hanging in my closet. There are a few pairs of boots and fall shoes lined up on the shoe rack. My dresser drawers are barely filled. They open and close so easily! It feels good. 

Writing, purging, collaborating, relaxing with Jake. These are what fuel me right now. Those and 5 to 10 conversations a day with my siblings and my mom. I'm sad, but I'm doing my best. 


nothing is different, everything has changed

I lost my Dad two weeks ago. 

I can't talk about it yet. My heart is broken. And I am confused. 

I returned from San Diego last week. To a world where everything is exactly the same as it was when I left. But nothing is the same. I am not the same. My life is forever changed. My future children's lives are forever changed. I look at people walking by and I want to scream.

Don't you feel it?! How are you okay?!

But I also don't want them to look at me. Because I feel it and I'm not okay and it shows. 

My voice has changed. It sounds cracked. Maybe you can't hear it. But I can. 

 

Taking Stock #4

coffee and crochet wild mae

Time for another round of Taking Stock!

Cooking : tons and tons of zucchini bread (my garden has gone insane)
Drinking : homemade pumpkin spice lattes 
Reading : Lean In by Cheryl Sandberg except I've been listening to it on audio book
Wanting :  to catch up on sleep. Puppies are a lot of work. 
Looking :  forward to this season and immersing myself in Fall projects. 
Playing :  with paper for the first time since college
Crocheting : a large basket and eco-friendly "cotton pads" 
Planning : travels for all the holidays...whose family, what city, etc.
Enjoying : living alone with Jake
Waiting : excitedly for a meeting with a small business and tax consultant next week! #nerdalert
Planning : a super awesome holiday workshop with Share Denver
Loving : having a newly cleaned and organized craft room. It's so inspiring!
Teaching : lots of classes at Share. 3 different ones!
Marveling : over my body's improvement after just one month of crossfit. 
Needing : to finish this big work project by the end of month
Going : on a trip every weekend. So busy.
Moving : the rest of Jessie's stuff up to Bozeman, MT
Thinking : about new products for the Wild Mae shop
Feeling :  a little under the weather. First a head cold and now a chest cold :(
Wearing :  yoga pants everyday. I need to break this habit.
Learning : the laws and practices of real estate in Colorado

As usual, I removed some prompts and added a few. If I'm stumped on a prompt, I don't want to stress about coming up with something! 

See Taking Stock #1 , #2 , and #3.

Pick a prompt or two from the list and leave me your responses in the comments! 

Inspiration from here and originally from here